Posts Tagged ‘random’

Finding a happy place.

Friday, September 6th, 2013

I haven’t written in a hot minute, and generally I try to keep things upbeat on here. But I’ve have a bunch of things swirling around in my mind recently, and thought that it might be helpful to pick up the keyboard again. Just a heads up.

When I’m feeling sad and alone, when life feels too loud and bright and like its spinning out of control, when I feel helpless in taming things I try to go to my happy place. It’s a beach about and hour and a quarter from my house. It’s a place I feel safe and comfortable. Where I run into good people that I know who do good things. Where I can strike up a conversation, or keep to myself if I’m having a day that I want to be alone. I feel like it’s my home away from home. The best time to visit is between September and May when its cool and quiet, and most of the summer crowds have left. I surf when the surf is good. I walk the beach when the waves are flat. I take in the beauty of nature and relax into the calm of thinking only in the present.

I watch the gulls splash and bathe in the shallow shore water and soar overhead. And while they are normally little bastards who try and steal my loaded bagels, those birds make me happy to watch them doing their normal goofy seagull things. Watching the sets roll in over and over and crashing with the most calming regularity. Way better than any artificial white noise machine.

In September the air has started to cool and it feels like fall. Luckily the sun is still bright and warm and feels good on my skin. It takes me away from all the dark that has seeped into my life and that I am now stuck with the complicated task of figuring out how to replace it with goodness, and then growing from this whole thing.  All of the hurt and loss and guilt. Disappointment and that which I have tried to grasp, but have been unable to thoroughly understand. So I walk and think and stop to write; to get things out of my head; to keep them from bouncing around.

Collecting bits of scattered sea glass brings back a tinge of an old fond memory, which is now too painful to dwell on. What do you do with all of those feelings, or do they just fade and you have to suck it up and deal with them until they do?

A couple flying kites. The wind messing up my hair.  The creepy old shirtless man wearing guyliner, who asks to take a picture of me shortly after I’ve finishing crying behind my sunglasses and keeps making small talk about the Blondie concert he just went to.. These things bring me back into the present and remind me to keep going. To try to replace the bad thoughts with the good. There is no good result that will come from dwelling on things that I can’t control or change. My control freak self needs to just settle down in the sand, feel the wind in my hair, the sun on my face and sit back and take in the beautiful sets of waves rolling in and crashing over and over. Wonderfully consistent, steadily.

Random awesome factoid

Saturday, January 14th, 2012

Did you know that the official scientific name for a Sabretoothed Cat is Smilodon Fatalis? That leads me to think that someone had a pretty awesome sense of humor.

Fall back.

Friday, November 6th, 2009

It’s November. Jesus. I’ve once again fallen dreadfully behind on updating. The past month has been really nice. Falling back in touch with old friends, some of whom I thought had been lost forever. Exploring new places and activities. Hanging out at the airport at night with A, which is eerily quiet, and surprisingly relaxing when I don’t actually have any travel plans. Doing Cambridge pub crawls with two friends where we got collectively propositioned which was unreal and kinda creepy. Checking out a townie bar in Littleton with my girl, Katie, that has awesome karaoke nights, and you’re not sure if the end of the night will wind up with your corpses being dragged out into the woods. :) I discovered that the commuter rail is actually a thing of beauty, and makes me rely less on my car to get into the city, and I love that. Sometimes I love driving, but it just seems horribly wrong to do it in Boston. I like being a subway rat, and the commuter rail will allow me to get back to that. It’s good. I love getting out of the house and being social, and doing random things. This past month has been really great for it, and I look forward to doing it more.

Food for thought

Sunday, June 28th, 2009

Is it possible for two atheists have a spiritual connection?

The whole notion made me giggle when D and I were having a goofy convo the other night.