Sometimes I take myself too seriously. Sometimes its good to just sit back and laugh at your failures instead of dwelling on them. I am clumsy as shit, and pretty darned uncoordinated to boot. Ever see those videos of cats wearing socks trying to walk? That’s how I feel like I go through a lot of life. Fact. No biggie, though. It is what it is. I invite you to check out a couple of my less than perfect moments in surfing….. or maybe we should just call it falling? Cuz man, these are just no good at all. Enjoy and have a laugh!
Posts Tagged ‘badness’
Alright, so title standing alone, this entry already has a lot of WTF in it. I should state for the record that I’m talking about a touristy alcoholic beverage, not some sort of crazy ass stunt that you’d see on a CKY video, or an episode of Jackass. It’s pretty darn random, but it kind makes sense when you look at the big picture. It begins to balance out Adventure #3 of me not drinking for a month and the idea is something that I’ve been fascinated by for a while.
I have previously proclaimed my love of fro-fro technicolor concoctions. The more plastic do-dads attached to my adult beverage the better. A few years back I came across a super awesome party-fun-times picture of my friend Kay-Shee drinking some kind of booze out of a fish bowl at a place in Miami, and I knew that some day I needed to get all up in that. Unfortunately I had no idea that any place in Boston was awesome enough to serve drinks out of an aquarium. That was until the day that I received word from my Scorpion bowl drinking partner, Andrew, that there was a place along the Boston Harbor waterfront that was only open during the warmer months, but that actually served these mythical beverages. And so, this went on my list of things to do.
1st things 1st. Drinking fishbowl drinks require drinking partners. So I tracked down my friend with possibly the lowest alcohol tolerance out of all of my friends that drink (Brendan) and made plans. We decided to meet up at the Landing on a Thursday afternoon in August. Perfect. Mid-week, mid-day, so the bar wouldn’t be packed, but with enough tourists in the vicinity to make it hilarious for people watching. The Landing is pretty awesome. It’s an open air establishment with an awesome view of the harbor and all the boats arriving & departing. When we went it was pretty low key, with just your typical mid-day bar-going alcoholics & tourists looking for somewhere to cool their barking dogs.
We decide on an aqua-blue colored, vodka based drink called the The Blue Lagoon. When it arrived at our table it was totally color-coordinated to my sunglasses, so I knew that it was a sign that this was all meant to be. Since there were only 2 of us, we were limited to the “Guppy Bowl” size drink, for a minimum of 2 people. It mainly consisted of vodka, blue curacao, raspberry vodka, pineapple juice, more vodka, sprite, and of course more vodka. Once you get past the teeth rotting sweetness, the flavor actually wasn’t too bad. Totally a sugar fest, but I dig that sort of thing once in a while. And the drink actually tricks you because it’s so sweet which confuses you flavor-wise because although it has a boat load of vodka in it, all you can taste is sugar.
Luckily Brendan & I weren’t in any sort of rush. We had a bunch of catching up to do and
creeping people watching to take part in & so the Blue Lagoon took us a while to pound. By the time we reached the bottom of the Guppy Bowl, although the bartender offered us a refill, the last thing we wanted to drink was another 32 ounces of sugary alcohol. That would have been a very poor (pour?) decision, but that afternoon I decided to go the -somewhat- responsible adult route. So we called it a day and stumbled went on our merry way, and I was able to check this off of my list of random stuff to try.
6 of 30 completed.
In general, I’m always the voice of reason and moderation, as well as a pillar of self-restraint. Surely people would describe me as a temperate woman…… A delicate flower of staidness, if you will. So I knew that my 3rd adventure of not drinking alcohol for a month would come naturally for me and be a piece of cake.
Now, I’m a pretty awesome drunk. I’m not a sad drunk who ends up crying all night. I’m not an angry drunk who tries to fight everyone. And other than a few miss-steps in my youth, I’m not a “I don’t know when to say when, so I’m going to be puking in the bushes all night” drunk. I just become more happy and outgoing and I want everyone to be friends and get along. I like pairing wine and beer with meals. I like the ritual of preparing fancy and/or unusual drinks. I like celebrating life. And hell, sometimes I like doing stupid things and then being able to blame it on alcohol the next day. So what.
Instead of wimping out, and only doing 4 weeks, I decided to be alcohol free for the entire month of June. No hooch at all June 1st thru 30th. It has been….. well, it’s been something. Responses to me turning down drinks have generally been either “Now why would you go and do something stupid like that?” or “Wha? You aren’t pregnant, are you?”. Oh hells no. Truth be, I have a few reasons for giving it a go. One, I wanted to revisit this whole sobriety thing. I have a bunch of friends who don’t drink by choice & sometimes I don’t really get that deal, but it’s good to try and see things from other people’s points of view.
Another reason is that it’s always good for your mind & body to dry out for a bit. To focus on things with a clear thoughts and a level head. I’m part party cat, part hippy-granola eating-health nut, so I gotta keep those both nourished, and therefore the opposites in check. Somewhat related, I struggle with anxiety and panic attacks from time to time & have noticed that alcohol is definitely plays a part in that battle. As in, I’m wayyy more likely to freak out on days after I’ve had alcohol. And voila! No panic attacks for me during my dry month of June. So that was pretty awesome.
Good things about not boozing it up for a month: Never feeling/being hungover. Feeling more healthy. Being way more productive. Going out to dinner is soooooo much cheaper when there’s no alcohol on the bill.
Bad things about not boozing it up for a month: I ended up replacing my evening cocktail with a big bowl of ice cream, every day. I was bored more often. Not like that’s the end of the world, but it was a bit of an adjustment figuring out how to fill new free time. Sometimes I’m kinda a total bitch when I’m sober, so this month was kinda rough for my friends and family. Having to watch other people order super awesome looking cocktails (I’m a huge sucker for jewel colored concoctions with umbrellas and plastic figurines.) and then having to listen to them talk about how delicious they are.
Whatever. I’m not sure exactly what I learned from this experiment that I didn’t already know somewhere in the depths of my soul. Maybe this was just a masochistic exercise in self-denial. Or possibly it ended up being something life changing… But probably not. I’m not sure I’m ready or willing to swear off alcohol all together. After all, if I swore off alcohol entirely, how would i be able to taste the awesome Coq au Vin that I want to learn how to make…. (Number 11.)
3 of 30 completed.
When I was really young and crazy at the tender age of 20 or so, I got a medium sized tattoo of vines & roses. I didn’t research it at all. Just walked into the tattoo parlor, with visions of roses in my head and picked some flash off the wall and pointed to my back. I think the piece was originally drawn for an arm band or something, who knows… The artist at the time didn’t necessarily do a bad job, but he also didn’t do an awesome job. Also, I was kinda an idiot about tattoo aftercare. I remember smearing on some neosporin on my back, not bothering to cover it & going to bed, only to wake up with an greasy/inky tattoo transfer on my bedsheets. Gross & horrifying, I know.
It has about 9 years, and the tattoo is pretty faded & you could see some problem areas. Uneven lines, uneven shading, uneven placement, etc.. I needed to fix that shit. I knew that I needed to fix that shit about 5 years ago, but just put it off. Not exactly sure what I wanted. If i just wanted it touched up, added to, covered up, or whatever. I finally decided to bite the bullet. I still love the roses & the idea of vibrant colors & it’s a pretty design, so I decided that I wanted it added to and redesigned a bit. Rose is my middle name, so I really wanted them to be a focus. A botanical/overgrown jungley feel, that looked less like something you could pick off the wall at a tattoo shop.
After some online research, I found Precision Body Arts in Nashua, NH. They had good reviews, a good website and I thought that all of their tattoo artists had pretty impressive portfolios. I went in & ended up talking with Nick Kelley. I showed him what I had & what I wanted done to it. He is a man of few words, and I get really overly verbose when I’m nervous, so I probably came off as a crackhead & threw out a bunch of lame-ass buzz words. Lord knows how, but he ended up figuring out what I wanted and drew a great sketch that was basically the look that I was going for & then he made a few minor changes to make stuff more girly & swirly. It was kinda crazy on point how he totally got what I wanted & the style blended perfectly with what I already had. It’s hard to tell where the old one ends and the new one begins. Nick did a really fucking amazing job, period.
Such a crazy awesome transformation. I’m super happy with how it turned out. Many thanks to Nick, and also to my tattoo buddy Brendan, who brought me crosswords to occupy my mind because I’ve apparently become a bit more of a wuss in my advanced years… Whatever. At least I take pain stoically and silently, unlike this random crazy chick.
2 of 30 completed.
This video title was a smidge misleading… I was thinking of a different type of crack, and was utterly horrified.
Man, where did they get this video of me at Stripper 101?!?!
Lesson #1 = Get paid!
Loving this song & the pole dancing skills are pretty snazzy.
Howdy gang! ….Although it’s been 2 months(!!!) since my last confession, er, blog post, so who knows who is still checking this regularly? Soo, what’s been a’happenin’?
The holidays were a blur, but full of goodness. Family & friends, awesome presents relating to surfing and modern Italian design home decor, crackling fires in the fireplace, a Christmas lizard of doom and other things like that.
I’ve been hitting up a bunch of local rock/punk shows at the Middle East, which has probably been my fav music venue since I was a wee teen. The most recent show I took in was a Punk vs. Metal night, with all sorts of fantastic bands, including the August Spies, who used to play most of the punk shows that I saw in high school. It’s always nice to learn that some Boston punk bands from the ’90s are still around. Ahhh, I’m old.
But yeah. I gotta get better with this whole keeping up with my blog thing. What with discovering microblogging via Facebook and Twitter, it’s harder to make myself sit down for 30-60 minutes and write a real blog post. But I’m gonna give it a shot again.
So last night I was out drinking at a bar….. Ok, I know some of you think that you know where this is going…. “Just another one of Emma’s stories which would make her parents proud.” Hear me out. In actuality, I was just out having a post-dinner cocktail with a dear friend, at Eastern Standard (a snazzy & hip eatery/lounge in Boston’s Kenmore Square, which prides itself on authentic cocktails from the pre-prohibition era.). So we walk in & I snag us a couple of stools at see through glass bar by the door. At that point I notice a strikingly dark, tall and handsome gent standing by the waitress stand & say to myself “Wow, he’s really good looking!”.
Let me stop here and say that I am married to the most amazing man in the world who makes me incredibly happy. Devon is the love of my life. That said, I believe that there’s nothing wrong with admiring some eye candy once in a while.
Back to the “lounge”. So, tall, dark and handsome turns around and notices me, and I give him a big cheezy smile, because I’m a mega dork. He smiles back and at that point I realize that he looks very familiar….. I try to place him… Tall, kinda wild brown hair, big wrist cuff, tight & low slung hipster jeans, in a really cool eatery….. And all of a sudden my mind puts 2 +2 together………
Ok, this picture isn’t the best ever….. But!!!! It’s fricking Sam Talbot from Top Chef’s Season 2!!!!! During his season of the show, he came in 3rd place (but in my opinion was the most talented out of the entire group). Ok, so most people probably have no idea who he is, but I think I’m a pretty big foodie, in addition to being a majah Top Chef junkie. Season 2 was probably the most enjoyable for me. I never really had the hot’s for Sam during the show, although they always made a big deal about him being “the hot contestant”, but man, I can totally see why now that I saw him in person. He’s no my husband, but he’s almost somewhat close.
Anyways. We totally shared a moment, and then I totally had drinks with him (from the other side of the bar). And after he left, our waitress and I recounted how we closely we had come to destabilizing into puddles of ooze.
God, I love this town.
So, in September, my mom took my aunt and I on a exciting “Girl’s Gone Wild” weekend in Las Vegas. We packed a whole hell of alot into 2 and a half days, and I wanted to share what I thought was dank.
Our Hotel: Planet Hollywood. Dank, but crowded.
It was in the middle of the strip. Great if you’re into hoards of annoying/drunk uber-tourists, but not so awesome if you’re into a little more of a chill scene. We had a nice room on a high floor with a great view of the strip and a super gigantic bathroom, which was great since we had 3 ladies getting ready at the same time. The room’s decor was nice & modern with some vintage movie props. There is a gigantic mall built around the hotel which had some super amazing shopping and there were about 20 dining options to choose from. I think that if we had been bigger into the club scene & staying up late thing, we would have enjoyed it more, but in all honesty, I never got used to the swarms of people.
Activity: Stripper 101. Dank pole skills.
Every wondered how the girls on “Rock of Love” work the pole as well as they do? Take this class and have new appreciation for their skills. Learn the how-to’s of giving a sexy lapdance. Then learn the basics of working the pole. A week and a half later and I still have the bruises on my legs to prove how much of an earnest learner I was. Add in a free photo of you working the pole, and an alcoholic drink to get your inhibitions lowered…. How can you afford to NOT take this class? Although, It was awesome to have some bonding time with my mom and aunt, I would probably recommend others to not do the same as I did. It’s kinda awkward to be straddling a chair while learning how to “get paid” next to your blood relatives.
Hot guys with buff bods and Australian accents, who do choreographed dance routines with fireman themes? Please, and thank you! Maybe not the most polished dancing from males on the strip, but it was obviously clear from their moves that most of the guys were into chicks. Also, 3 jello shots for $5 was a saweet drink special. I enjoyed watching the show. I was really glad that I wasn’t at the table that one dancer climbed and then poured a drink all over himself (ala Flashdance), but it was totally awesome/hilarious to watch. Also, it was totally worth the $20 to get my picture taken on a couch with 6 of the dancers. (who were all very friendly and chatty & totally dug my hair, bracelet and shoes…….. wait a sec… I may have to rethink my previous stance on how straight the majority of them were….) All in all, though, I totally dug the show, and would probably go again if I got the chance.
Show: Jubilee! 9 out of 10 show choir members would vote it Dank.
Picture this. Naked high school show choir on crack. That’s Jubilee! Amazing outfits with tons of feathers and sequins. Gigantic 2 story props with smoke and fire, and they move! And nudity! What’s not to love (if you’re an ex-show choir member)? Book the show in advance to make sure that you get seats close to the stage, like we did, and you’ll be so close that you can read the names of the dancers off the bottoms of their shoes. Shout out to Colette! Nice moves
Restaurant: Koi - Dank Japanese food
Beautiful venue, beautifully presented food. The vibe was very hip and modern. I ordered the Seaweed Medley, which was amazing. I’m a big fan of seaweed salads, and this one went above and beyond. They usually contain one type of seaweed, and this one had 3 or 4, most of which I’d never tried. It was delicious, perfectly seasoned, and was artistically presented. I also had the yellow tail and scallion roll, which was also delicious and the fish tasted very fresh. I’m a huge fan of sushi, and this place did not disappoint.
Restaurant: MIX at Mandalay Bay - Dank food and view
This restaurant is located on top of THEhotel and has one of best views in the city, IMO. The food is pricey, but super fancy and well-thought-out. I ordered a veggie terrine, which name alone, doesn’t really sound great, but in actuality was totally fan-f*cking-tastic! The crab salad was also delish. For dessert we split the MIX candy bar. OMG. It’s the candy bar of your wild-ist dreams.
In general, we had an amazing trip! Girl’s gone wild, whoo-hoo!
Recently I’ve gotten into surfing. I go to a ladies’ surf night in NH and I’ve been having an amazing time. I’ve started looking at surfboards to see what my options are and have noticed that huge number of women’s surf boards come with hibiscus flower motif’s on them. I’ve also been looking at getting a new motorcycle helmet since my current one is pretty old & should be replaced. In my browsing for women’s motorcycle helmets, I’ve found that the hibiscus motif plague has invaded this area as well. It’s crazy! The manufacturers of inherently bad-ass things are decreasing their “bad-ass factor” by sticking hibiscus flowers on everything. What the heck is up with that?!? I like pink flowers as much as the next girl, but when I’m looking to buy something for one of my non-frou-frou hobbies, I don’t want a stupid hibiscus flower stuck on it….
Therefore, in honor of this phenomenon, I give you a list of 6 things that are made WAYYY less bad-ass (and/or butch) by having a hibiscus flower on them……
#6. A mens’ tie. Unless you’re from Hawaii (and even that is up for debate), you should not be wearing these.
#5. A Knife. A knife is inherently bad-ass. So, why would you go about and muck it up with a design on it? Imagine yourself on a dark night in a bad section of town. A thug jumps out of the darkness and challenges you to a knife fight. Then you whip out this “shank”. True, you might very well win the fight, but only because your opponent would be extremely vulnerable while they are rolling around on the ground in utter hysterics.
#4. A motorcycle. Good for you for customizing your ride, but really? Couldn’t you have gone with some skulls or flames? Or flaming skulls?
#3. A motorcycle helmet. Just imagine yourself: Sitting pretty wearing your pink hibiscus helmet, riding your hibiscus motorcycle. Looking the the total opposite of bad-ass. Although this look definitely has potential to work if you are employed as a flower delivery person…….
#2. A surfboard. You could totally be one of the guys with this awesome surfboard with a floral motif. Except none of the guys would ever be caught dead riding your chicksauraus-maximus board.