Hibiscus Flowers = Not Badass.

Recently I’ve gotten into surfing. I go to a ladies’ surf night in NH and I’ve been having an amazing time. I’ve started looking at surfboards to see what my options are and have noticed that huge number of women’s surf boards come with hibiscus flower motif’s on them. I’ve also been looking at getting a new motorcycle helmet since my current one is pretty old & should be replaced. In my browsing for women’s motorcycle helmets, I’ve found that the hibiscus motif plague has invaded this area as well. It’s crazy! The manufacturers of inherently bad-ass things are decreasing their “bad-ass factor” by sticking hibiscus flowers on everything. What the heck is up with that?!? I like pink flowers as much as the next girl, but when I’m looking to buy something for one of my non-frou-frou hobbies, I don’t want a stupid hibiscus flower stuck on it….

Therefore, in honor of this phenomenon, I give you a list of 6 things that are made WAYYY less bad-ass (and/or butch) by having a hibiscus flower on them……

#6. A mens’ tie. Unless you’re from Hawaii (and even that is up for debate), you should not be wearing these.

#5. A Knife. A knife is inherently bad-ass. So, why would you go about and muck it up with a design on it? Imagine yourself on a dark night in a bad section of town. A thug jumps out of the darkness and challenges you to a knife fight. Then you whip out this “shank”. True, you might very well win the fight, but only because your opponent would be extremely vulnerable while they are rolling around on the ground in utter hysterics.

#4. A motorcycle. Good for you for customizing your ride, but really? Couldn’t you have gone with some skulls or flames? Or flaming skulls?

#3. A motorcycle helmet. Just imagine yourself:  Sitting pretty wearing your pink hibiscus helmet, riding your hibiscus motorcycle. Looking the the total opposite of bad-ass. Although this look definitely has potential to work if you are employed as a flower delivery person…….

#2. A surfboard. You could totally be one of the guys with this awesome surfboard with a floral motif. Except none of the guys would ever be caught dead riding your chicksauraus-maximus board.

#1. Cufflinks. One question: Why are these even necessary when you can buy cufflinks with ammo on them?

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5 Responses to Hibiscus Flowers = Not Badass.

  1. So true, so true. And why hibiscus? I’d think roses would be more prevalent. Maybe all the rose graphics are copyrighted and hibiscuses were all that were left. But then what about hearts? Although hearts are stupid too. We’ve got to come up with something better than this! Hmmmmmmmmm

  2. telgator1 says:

    Hilarious! I agree totally on the use of hibiscus:
    Motorcycles: NO
    Vespas: YES

    Hummers (or any SUV for that matter): NO
    Smart car or VW bug: YES

    How about a flaming skull and crossbones, dripping blood, riding a pink unicorn? ;-)

  3. Emma says:

    Hmm… Roses are definitely more bad-ass than hibiscus (eg. Guns n’ Roses). I get the hibiscus useage on surfboards, with it being such a common flower in Hawaii where surfing is such a popular sport. However I have no clue why the motif is so popular on motorcycle helmets, license plate frame, car decals, etc…

    A good substitue maybe bleeding pink skulls, or pink unicorns riding motorcycles where the exhaust fumes are sparkles….. Those might have the correct proportions of girlie to bad-ass.

  4. Emma says:

    Thanks Ronnie! Welcome!

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