Archive for the ‘Emo’ Category

A rainy day in paradise.

Monday, September 23rd, 2013

Sayulita, Mexico is a quiet little fishing village/surf town on the Pacific coast of Mexico. It’s about a 40 minute drive north of the touristy hubbub of Puerto Vallarta, and seemingly a perfect place to start our first attempt at living a more expat kinda lifestyle. Devon and I arrived here 5 days ago, and so far its been everything that I’ve hoped for. It’s off season here, so maybe only a third of the local businesses are open, but I am truly a happy chica with at least 3 fish taco stands to choose from for dining options. That was one of the major things I was looking forward to out of this adventure. Fish tacos, surfing on the regular, bangin’ margaritas, writing more, swimming as much as humanly possible, improving my Español, earning some more freckles on my pasty white skin (cuz you know mamacita is physically incapable of taking a tan).

So, I’ve been doing pretty well with my goals. With the exception of yesterday. I kinda earned myself a bit of heatstroke/exhaustion yesterday with an overzealous hike on the beach in the 90 degree sun with no water. Also, heat exhaustion = not fun = totally terrifying! Hydration is key, yo. So after spending most of the afternoon in bed with lots of ice water and Mexican real life crime documentaries on the tele, I woke up this morning raring to go. And then the sky opened up and it has been a torrential downpour ever since.  Of course. But really, sitting on an open air covered patio, with temperature in the high 70s, watching and listening to the rain, hearing los gallos down the block, and smelling the sweet ocean air, life doesn’t suck.

The past few months have been kinda crazy; stressful and emotionally difficult for me, and it’s nice to be able to hit reset and start recharging in such a peaceful, quiet place.

Finding a happy place.

Friday, September 6th, 2013

I haven’t written in a hot minute, and generally I try to keep things upbeat on here. But I’ve have a bunch of things swirling around in my mind recently, and thought that it might be helpful to pick up the keyboard again. Just a heads up.

When I’m feeling sad and alone, when life feels too loud and bright and like its spinning out of control, when I feel helpless in taming things I try to go to my happy place. It’s a beach about and hour and a quarter from my house. It’s a place I feel safe and comfortable. Where I run into good people that I know who do good things. Where I can strike up a conversation, or keep to myself if I’m having a day that I want to be alone. I feel like it’s my home away from home. The best time to visit is between September and May when its cool and quiet, and most of the summer crowds have left. I surf when the surf is good. I walk the beach when the waves are flat. I take in the beauty of nature and relax into the calm of thinking only in the present.

I watch the gulls splash and bathe in the shallow shore water and soar overhead. And while they are normally little bastards who try and steal my loaded bagels, those birds make me happy to watch them doing their normal goofy seagull things. Watching the sets roll in over and over and crashing with the most calming regularity. Way better than any artificial white noise machine.

In September the air has started to cool and it feels like fall. Luckily the sun is still bright and warm and feels good on my skin. It takes me away from all the dark that has seeped into my life and that I am now stuck with the complicated task of figuring out how to replace it with goodness, and then growing from this whole thing.  All of the hurt and loss and guilt. Disappointment and that which I have tried to grasp, but have been unable to thoroughly understand. So I walk and think and stop to write; to get things out of my head; to keep them from bouncing around.

Collecting bits of scattered sea glass brings back a tinge of an old fond memory, which is now too painful to dwell on. What do you do with all of those feelings, or do they just fade and you have to suck it up and deal with them until they do?

A couple flying kites. The wind messing up my hair.  The creepy old shirtless man wearing guyliner, who asks to take a picture of me shortly after I’ve finishing crying behind my sunglasses and keeps making small talk about the Blondie concert he just went to.. These things bring me back into the present and remind me to keep going. To try to replace the bad thoughts with the good. There is no good result that will come from dwelling on things that I can’t control or change. My control freak self needs to just settle down in the sand, feel the wind in my hair, the sun on my face and sit back and take in the beautiful sets of waves rolling in and crashing over and over. Wonderfully consistent, steadily.

Tea quote

Wednesday, May 25th, 2011

I found this quote on the tab from my tea this evening and I liked it. “In order to be remembered, leave nothing behind but goodness.”

4 years of wedded bliss!

Thursday, September 3rd, 2009

4 years ago I was having my hair done and putting on my wedding dress.

Right now, I’m sitting in the office of OUR HOME, next to my man. Drinking a warm cup of espresso.  Devon is working, unfortunately, but I think his day started out on the right foot, with me bringing him breakfast in bed…… It is our anniversary after all. :) The traditional 4th anniversary gift is fruit and flowers, so it works out well that his breakfast tray had a flower from our yard and cut up fruit.

The 4th anniversary is supposedly supposed to celebrate ideas and symbols, and the flowers symbolize the blossoming partnership of a couple. I’ve noticed that a lot recently. Our relationship growing and evolving into something slightly different. Not bad by any means, just something different. And the more care, love and attention you put into it, the more beautiful it grows. Maybe less flashy, but more true. I’m still ever so in love, and learning more about Devon every day. What makes him tick, and what makes him happy. How to read his face and body language.   And he has learned that sometimes all I need is chocolate and an hour of watching “Oprah”. :)

I love you, Devon. I promise to be the best gardener possible. :)

Fear of losing words.

Friday, June 19th, 2009

There’s been a whirlwind of craziness around this house. Devon’s server broke, so all of our websites were down for a while, as well as email. My email is somewhat working now, although all of my old e-mail is gone from the server as well as my current laptop. Luckily it should be saved on my old laptop, but it’s gonna take a while to get it all moved over.

I dunno why, but it’s really nerve wracking that all of my old emails from the past 10 years could be lost. Emails from old friends and ex’s regarding situations long past. The first emails that D and I ever exchanged. Emails from dear friends that remind me why I love them. Really happy stories that are sometimes forgotten, as well as poignant words that helped me get through some of my darkest hours. I’m sure that I’ll be able to recover the data from my old laptop, but I just have so many conversations that I want to keep. It sounds somewhat rediculous, but I’d certainly end up going through a period of mourning if it was all lost.

It’s moments like these that make me want to start soley communicating via the mighty pen.

Happy Mother’s Day!

Sunday, May 10th, 2009

Happy Muh-thah’s day to my MAH!

I have an awesome time hanging out with you, you give fantastic advice, you have exquisite taste and I get my extraordinary good looks from you. Oh, and you birthed me.  (Thanks for that, btw!)

I hope you have a wonderful day! I luv ya!

Valentine’s Day Frenzy

Friday, February 13th, 2009
Thanks to for the image

Image from

It must be that time of the year again. Valentine’s Day. It’s a great day, especially now that I’m married & have a permanent date for it, of course. Although I usually liked it, even when I didn’t. When else do you have a day dedicated to flowers, chocolates & stuffed animals? A day when you can wear red, pink & white together and people won’t think that you’re “that” big of a freak. Perhaps I’m just a romantic.  But I dig the idea of a day that’s all about pampering other people, as well as being pampered yourself. It’s the I love Love day!

Anyways. I was at the grocery store today, and as usual on the day before Valentine’s day, the flower department was a mad house. Totally jam packed full of dudes, with wide-eyed stares. Think a deer looking into the headlights of a Mack truck and cross that with a gaggle of panicked zombies who just ran out of brains to nom on. It’s kinda crazy. Looking like they’ve never seen a flower, or been inside a grocery store before.

Really guys, come on. Chicksaurs like flowers, all flowers. It’s really hard to be doing something wrong if you have flowers in hand for your woman… (unless said woman is allergic… then you should consider chocolates instead, hehe.).  Any normal chick will be stoked to get anything that shows that you were thinking of her. Really. You could pick up a piece of gravel, and say “I thought this nub of rock was unique & beautiful & it reminded me of you.” and most girls will totally swoon all over it, and you, and keep said piece of gravel proudly on display… Seriously. We’re easy to please. Me? I just want some snuggle time with my man… And perhaps something of the chocolate flavored variety….

I don’t know if I have a point here, or anything….. Maybe it’s just a piece of advice to guys. Chillax. It’s cool. You will get through this day. Good luck & get out there & show some love.  Over and out.

Icy Mc-Ice-a-lot.

Friday, December 12th, 2008

So….. It’s its a pretty serious situation here in New England. Last night was a terrible ice storm and we lost power at our house in Chelmsford around 11pm last night. This morning, we (along with 1 million others) woke up to a freezing cold house with no heat or electricity.

We had heard the cracks of breaking branches last night & were somewhat worried, but never thought that such a huge area would be affected. Devon got a great roaring fire going in our fireplace & we put Fifi right in front of it, to warm her up a bit, since none of her heating elements were working. Since we have an electric cooktop, we couldnt even boil water. Also since the fridge was off, we didn’t want to open it up to get anything out. So breakfast consisted of a room temperature apple with the option of some stale dry cereal. Good times. After talking with our electric company, they didn’t really know the extent of the damage yet & told us to call back in a few hours if we still didn’t have power. 4 hours later, we still didn’t have power….. Have I mentioned we have a generator hook up in our new house, but haven’t gotten around to buying & installing one yet…. Doh!

We get ahead of the power company again & basically hear “There is absolute mayhem going on & tons of damage. Hope for the best, but plan for not having any power until at least Sunday.” Eek. So we pack up Fifi & head down to my parent’s house in Boston, where my bro lives, & where they only got a little rain last night. Seth is awesome. We were greeted by him and his lady friend with a huge cooked breakfast of strawberry pancakes, scrambled eggs and bacon… AWESOME!!!! Especially considering that I’ve been shivering in a <50 degree house for the past 5 hours, unable to eat or drink anything warm.

Long story short: After calling & driving around to various home stores, we discovered that there are 1 million people in New England without power, none of them had power generators, and all of them beat us to the punch in trying to buy one. You can’t even rent one, or find a busted/used one on craigslist. So basically Fifi, Devon and I are hunkering down here for a little while. Until we either get power, or can figure out how to keep Fifi from turning into a popsicle. Thank goodness that we have family in the area that has power, that we can stay with. I have no idea what we’d do if we couldn’t stay here. We’d have to get a pet-friendly hotel room or something.

But yeah. I’m super glad to be in a cosy home right now. Even if I am being subjected to the Celtics game that Seth is watching. :)

Sneezle Weasel.

Thursday, November 20th, 2008

Blarg. I’ve got to be coming down with something. I’ve been sneezing & coughing & sniffling since yesterday & I feel like I have a tickle in the back of my nose that is driving me absolutely insane. In addition my head feels all foggy.  I’ve been drinking lots of tea and taking it easy, so hopefully this doesn’t turn into a full fledged sickness. Devon! Come home and make me chicken soup!

In the meantime: “Achoo!”

Happy 3rd Anniversary, my love.

Wednesday, September 3rd, 2008

We got hitched 3 years ago, today. We’ve made it through 3 blissful years of marriage & now we’re about to embark on our newest journey together: buying a house. It makes jumping off a cliff together seem like nothing, doesn’t it?

You make me insanely happy & I’m the luckiest woman ever, to find someone who balances me out so perfectly. You’ve put up with my “career woman” endeavors this summer & for that I’m so grateful…. Cuz man, was I a major pain in the ass. With me being either exhausted, depressed or angry every night when I came home. But you took wonderful care of me, like you always do. Cooking me dinner when I was nomb-y & exhausted. Letting me tell you about the day’s horribly depressing events when I needed to get it off my chest, even when I knew you REALLY didn’t want to hear it.

You’re a great man & a great husband & it’s been an amazing 3 years. I’m looking forward to the rest of our lives together. Jumping off more cliffs together & enjoying the ride. :) I love you, Devon.